Do the Admins Even Read Their Own B.S.?

What do I do if I think I'm being abused?

Educate yourself. Knowledge is power. Learn everything you can about abuse. We have an excellent resource section with links and book recommendations as well as very active forums so you can talk to others who are or have been in similar situations. Do not confront your abuser as this generally escalates the abuse. Learn coping techniques while you decide your course of action. And remember…the abuse is not your fault. No one deserves to be mistreated.

http://www.our-place-online.net/abuseinfo.html


Wait a sec... let's look at this one... line by line

Educate yourself. But toss off the forums people who merely post information... heaven forbid anyone think for themselves... embrace rigorous truth or figure something out that we don't spoon feed them...

Knowledge is power. Learn everything you can about abuse. See above.

We have an excellent resource section with links and book recommendations as well as very active forums so you can talk to others who are or have been in similar situations. And we pilfered those resources from other sources, and don't you dare have better resources or stuff than us admins!!!

Do not confront your abuser as this generally escalates the abuse. Don't confront us admins or Dr. Irene as only we get to decide how you should feel and how you should heal... or heel...

Learn coping techniques while you decide your course of action. And we get to judge if your coping techniques are appropriate... don't stand up to the abuser... lie down... be codependent... blame yourself... feel sorry for your abuser... and most of all... BABY STEPS...

And remember…the abuse is not your fault. No one deserves to be mistreated.
Unless it's us doing the mistreating, misinterpreting or avoiding the truth... then we blame you for having being honest, bad mouth you... call you an angry stalker or tell you you're wallowing, berate you and throw you off our precious forum... Our abuse IS your fault.

smell the hypocrisy anyone?

BABY STEPS???!!....ARE YOU KIDDING ME????!!!

OMG!!.. when i first ventured into the world or forums for abused women... every other post was about baby steps!!!... 'take baby steps'... 'remember... baby steps... take baby steps'

i was stunned... but i quickly surmised that the rank and file on the catbox, and our place and the next right choice were whining, hand-wringing babies... so i guess the baby steps thing was to be expected...

but then... when i ventured into online therapy... dished up by a licensed therapist, for pete's sake... i heard the same thing... 'just take baby steps'...

uh... let's get real here... first off... we're not babies... and secondly... have you ever actually watched a baby taking 'baby steps'???... it's not pretty... one step forward... four steps back... they fall down a lot too... and sometimes they can't get up!!! baby steps don't get you anywhere!!! ask any real baby!!! a baby can take ten thousand steps, without ever escaping the imprisonment of her playpen!!.

let's can the 'baby steps' bullshit, ok?... it's insulting... and it's asinine...

You're Just Bitter

The bitches on Our Place and Next Bogus Choice called members like me BITTER... Bitter? LOL!

CLICK HERE LADIES!!

“You’re just bitter.” This is a phrase commonly used to silence women. Another variation says, “You are so unforgiving.”

The bitterness accusation is used to bully a woman and tell her how she “should” feel instead of asking her how she does feel. Someone who uses this label expects her to pretend there has been no harm, no foul. She is expected to pretend the one who hurt her is a great person, even if she knows he is a terrible person. If she does not pretend, it is because she is “bitter and unforgiving.”

Abusers nearly always sling this accusation at their victims. She may have accepted him back with open arms after a dozen violent episodes, but the first time she hesitates to “forgive and forget,” he will tell her she is a bitter and unforgiving person.

If only it stopped there. The world does not want to hear the voice of the abused, either. Let her speak of abuse in the divorce hearing, and the judge may roll his eyes. When he makes his ruling concerning child support and visitation, he will keep in mind that the woman is “bitter.”

Let her speak of it to the church, and they will label her a feminist – even if she firmly believes in male headship and supports all the patriarchal viewpoints.

The fact is, no one wants to hear it. In most circles, she can say, “My former husband was abusive,” and only be labeled a feminist. But if she ever says, “He backhanded me across the face when I disagreed with him, and he dragged me through the house by my hair” – now, she is “bitter.” Her words are interpreted as angry and violent, as if only a violent person could speak such awful words.

The message to abused women: Shut up about it. Go back to being ashamed, as if that hand across your face had left a nasty stain that made you evil rather than him. It is not dignified or proper to speak of the ugliness of abuse. It offends our sensibilities. By making us hear about your experience, you are violating our sheltered little world. We can forgive the man for hitting you, but we cannot forgive you for having the bad manners to actually talk about it.

Speaking the truth is not a sign of bitterness. It is a sign of wholeness and stark, unblinking courage. It takes guts to go beyond “He abused me” and say “He held a pillow over my face until I thought I was dying,” or even “He did things so unspeakable, I cannot make myself say them.”

Jesus said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” A woman may know the truth without speaking it, and she may in silence escape her own situation. But a lone woman with sealed lips will not change the world. It is not only the woman who must be set free; society itself needs to be set free from a culture of violence against women.

We must speak the truth to our society, so that we can all be set free.

http://www.waragainstwomen.com/

Singing the praises of DOORMATS

every house needs a doormat, right?.....sure....i'm not opposed to doormats.....as long as they're made of rubber...or jute....or astroturf......but i do draw the line when doormats are made of flesh and blood.......being a doormat is nothing to aspire to.....let alone something to sing the praises of......i have been on several abuse forums...still am on some GOOD ones.....and i've been booted from three very very very bad ones....three that sing the praises of doormats......

i was booted off THE NEXT RIGHT CHOICE..because i refused to embrace the belief that the next right choice was to be a doormat...or to be proud of being a doormat...a close friend and i were posting back and forth to each other.....i was offering her sympathy as to her physical limitations, which were greatly interfering with her emotional healing from her years with a psychopath.....we were discussing how some things cannot be overcome.no matter how many positive affirmations you chant..or how much HOPE you cling to....uh oh.....the magic word. HOPE....in more ways than one!!....

immediately an admin there jumped in.. first attacking my DISABLED friend for 'WALLOWING'...... my friend then dared to post this nugget of 100% truth.. they can't take full strength truth over there at THE NEXT RIGHT CHOICE:

"Some things do not heal.
PTSD from a psychopath for instance.
You cope, you adapt but its always there - always.
And Hope is just a word"

UH OH!!.....the admin then posted this piece of smarm:

'No matter what has happened in your life, no matter what you struggle with, you still make choices. Your choice may be simply to take one more opportunity to vent bitter anger, or it may be to realize that one person out there can benefit from compassion, and yes, from hope.

No matter what happens, we can choose to care. We can choose to be kind. We can choose to help one another. We can choose to contribute something positive. Is this denial? I don't think so.

I'll take the example of my mother, a woman abused and molested by her father, forced to drop out of school because of extreme poverty, raped and forced to marry the rapist who got her pregnant, lied about and legally stripped of her parental rights while her abusive rapist husband stole her two little girls, forced to live without them in her life, suffering with serious health problems as a result, and YET...

She was perhaps the kindest, the most loving, gentle, bright and sunny compassionate person I've ever known. She chose to love in spite of everything and anything.

IT WAS A CHOICE. She became her choices, and it made her beautiful.'

WHAT A CROCK!!... they're very big on pretend CHOICES over there....so..her mother was a HAPPY DOORMAT... SUNNY in the face of abuse..... her CHOICE was to be a HAPPY doormat, instead of to not be a doormat at all?...... i would hardly call THAT a right choice!!... yeah....i've seen smiley faces on doormats...with the dirty footprints of a psychopath all over them......and this apparently is something everyone should CHOSE to aspire to......to be a happy smiley faced doormat.....lest we become BITTER.......geez.........

i'm not sure what has caused the twisted thought process in some women that i call 'happy doormat syndrome'.... was it june cleaver and donna reed and harriet nelson....pushing the hoover in their high heels and pearls?....with a perpetual corpse's grin plastered to their faces........

are those high heel wearing american geishas to blame?.......

whatever has caused it.... it needs to STOP....there is no glory in being a doormat... ask any doormat!!....it's a dirty thankless job......
and whether you are a doormat with a SMILEY FACE or not.... the result is the same.......people drag their shit covered shoes across you....