The Pack Mentality: Our Place, The Next Right Choice, All About Him & The Catbox's Operating Manual

The Gals of Our Place & the Next Right Choice & All About Him
at their Latest Get-Together

by Tertia Loebenberg

What is it about anonymity that brings out the worst in people? I don’t get it.

I know that I am perhaps too honest sometimes, too public, too open and so I am probably not the best person to understand this, but I really do not get why people think they can be rude / hateful / spiteful / nasty / mean / just plain ugly if they think they can get away with it. What I want to know is, don’t they feel just a little bit bad? Do they have a conscience? When they go to sleep at night, do they feel at least a smattering of guilt for what they have done to others? How does being anonymous change who you really are? If you believe so strongly in your opinion / belief, then say it openly. Stand up and have the strength of your convictions. Be proud of who you are and what you have to say. The fact that you are hiding behind anonymity makes me think that either you are a coward, or deep down, you doubt what you have to say.

There is an online support forum that I sometimes read. I don’t participate too often for obvious reasons, but I read, just in case there is someone I can reach out to and help / offer encouragement etc. This forum is set up in a way that allows people to post anonymously, with pretty much a guarantee that their identity will not be known. And people use this in the most spiteful of ways. They post their regular posts under their ‘known name or pseudonym and when they get pissed at someone or something, they post anonymously. They attack other people, say horrible things, be really mean… all because they can get away with it.

I honesty don’t get it. I find it extremely cowardly and deceitful. It smacks of bullying. Of meanness. And it brings out the worst kind of pack mentality among others. It is so ugly. I would hate to ever be that ugly.

Of course there are many occasions when being anonymous is absolutely acceptable and even preferable. There are times when knowing one’s real identity could be dangerous / embarrassing etc. Although I am very open and public, I do understand that many others choose not to be so open. That’s fine. My issue is with the people who spew hatred and ugliness towards others only because they can get away with it. My feeling is that if you feel that strongly about something, stand up and say it openly. Be proud of what you believe in.

The hate comments, the slander and hate sites, the vicious attacks, belittling other people …… is that how you think it should be done?

I wonder…. do these people have a conscience? Do you think they feel even slightly guilty about the distress they cause others? I can’t believe that they don’t. I know I am naïve, but I just find it impossible to believe that anyone could be so hateful to others and not feel at least a bit bad.

But then, if they don’t feel bad, let me ask this question: if it was done to them, would they feel hurt or upset? And if they still feel their behaviour is justifiable, let me ask another question: if someone had to do what you did to your daughter or son, how would you feel about it then?

I was disappointed to see how on the forum I mentioned, a group of regular posters hid behind anonymity to attack a fellow regular poster (admin). How the pack mentality came out when they realized they could get away with it. That’s not on. Really not on. This ugly veiled cloak of anonymity has facilitated a free-for-all vicious attack from people who don’t have the guts to stand and openly say what they really think. What a pity. And to think that it is supposed to be a support forum.

Are you proud of yourself for making that woman feel shit about herself? Are you? Was it necessary to attack her? Even if you believe she is an asshole / wrong / whatever, do you really think you did the right thing? I don’t know. I don’t think being anonymous excuses you from basic human decency. I think you should be ashamed of yourself actually. I think you acted like a bunch of bullies.

I see it all the time. Find a victim, someone who either rubs you up the wrong way, or does something that doesn’t fit into your definition of acceptable. Maybe even someone who you are a little jealous of, although you would never admit it, and publicly rip her to shreds while hiding behind your anonymity. Then sit back and watch while your fellow mean spirited cowards join in the feeding frenzy. Like a pack of hyenas picking at the bones of the befallen pray, cackling your evil laugh and congratulating yourself at yet another conquest. A hollow victory meant to inflate sense of self worth. Sad.

I find it very hard to understand. But mostly, I find it really sad that people like that exist out there.

Read more: http://www.tertia.org/
(Under Creative Commons License: Attribution)

The Healing Power of Anger

(uh oh... look out biatches... a DOCTOR says anger is a GOOD THING!! Look out... TRUTH ALERT... go ram your head up your ass ASAP!!)

by Dr. John Rifkin

(excerpts)

The healing power of anger can transform you.

It is possible to change how anger affects ourselves and our loved ones. Happiness is not the absence of anger, but the intimate knowledge of how to make it work in your life.

An expert on teaching people about healing and anger, Dr. John Rifkin is a licensed Clinical Psychologist in Boulder, Colorado who is breaking new ground in the understanding of anger. Dr. Rifkin explains that we should not and, indeed, cannot stop anger from happening.

Anger is a natural, healthy energy that has an emotional spectrum that ranges like a thermometer from ice cold to red hot.

Between ice-cold and red-hot extremes, anger has a normal and healthy range that empowers and fulfills your life, even if you don't understand that it's anger at work.
Anger is not just about yelling and screaming. The energy known as anger is always present in everyone.

Understanding anger and getting past the stereotypes and misconceptions!

"The Third Gift"

Almost everyone understands anger's power to be destructive. People say things in anger that hurt other people's feelings and even act out their anger violently, causing physical injury and pain.

What is not well understood is that anger is a valuable part of the human emotional experience. Anger is not some dysfunctional, testosterone-induced malfunction in the human design. It is there for a reason and it is extremely valuable. Your anger has the power to help you to heal the injuries both from your childhood as well as those that you experience in your daily life . Anger is the natural healing energy that the body generates in response to injury. Along with sadness and fear, it is a secondary emotion that occurs in response to the pain of injury.

Understand the full meaning of anger and the role it is meant to play in the development of your own personal power and healing... It will help you as you learn how to resolve conflicts in your intimate relationships.... and take back your self-esteem!

It also explains why I have come to believe that Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is the universal underlying diagnosis for all of us. I discuss the process of working to heal trauma, how to deal effectively with anxiety problems, and the relationship between anxiety and anger.

Wait!!... I'm not entitled to be angry right?... or have 'violent revenge fantasies...? nothing a good bubble bath or some cookies wouldn't solve right?

CO-DEPENDENCE?

Co-dependence?
The victims of narcissists are relentlessly re-victimized by a rationale for blaming the victim called co-dependence. I am still waiting for some evidence or explanation to persuade me that there is such a thing, so I’m still open to the idea. But, sorry, I haven’t heard a single reason to think that there even is such a thing as co-dependence. So, I am very skeptical.

I’ll share my reasons for that skepticism, not so much to persuade you as to give you reason for pause, some food for thought.

Reason 1
I trust science, including medical science. But not blindly. I know science and have seen enough bad science to have no illusions about the integrity of scientists and doctors. I know that they are just people, as capable of dishonesty as any other people, that they herd, gaining up in groupthink. They mocked Louis Pasteur. They predicted the end of the world by now due to population explosion. They ignored the evidence in favor of a low carbohydrate diet for decades, till it suddenly became the politically correct rage. And now they are pulling the same stunt with their faux science on global warming.

But the rest of science and medical science is squeaky clean compared to psychology.

I have always been amazed at what passes for “science” in psychology. Psychology experiments are notorious for not following scientific method, even to the point of not controlling the variables. True, other doctors sometimes differ in their diagnoses, and we can identify fashion trends in diagnosis. But other doctors are near perfect in the reproducibility of their results compared to psychiatrists. Psychiatrists are notorious for diagnosing the same person differently. They are notorious for covering all bases by “throwing the book” at a patient with a diagnosis of several disorders. And they are notorious for following fashion trends in diagnosis.

Moreover, for obvious reasons, the profession attracts more than its share of narcissists and others manifestly odd and eccentric. In one of the universities I attended, the whole psych department was flaky except for one – yes but one – professor.Sorry, I know it’s taboo to know this truth, but I do. Every profession attracts more than its share of something that doesn’t belong there.

For example, the priesthood and the teaching profession attract more than their share of pedophiles. Police work attracts more than its share of bullies. And so on. So, let’s face it: psychology attracts more than it’s share of fruitcakes.What does this mean? Does it mean that we should doubt everything the established medical authorities say? No. It just means that they aren’t infallible and that, if what they say doesn’t square with logic and observation, you should have a healthy skepticism.

Reason 2. Just because there is such a thing as the martyr complex doesn’t mean that it applies to a relationship with a narcissist. A person with a isn’t martyr complex isn't really abused and doesn’t seek real abuse. He or she likes to imagine themselves abused and portray themselves as abused.There’s a big difference between that and seeking real abuse!

Reason 3. In my own little slice of the world, this is what I have observed and learned from other victims: there is such a thing as the cycle of abuse. It does cause the victim to behave in ways that seem strange to outside observers – as if they are “asking for it.”People’s bad habit of always tending to blame the victim makes everyone jump to the conclusion that this is so = that they are "asking for it." But in the cases I know of, it never was.In fact, the victims of narcissists behave exactly the same way the victims of all torture and brainwashing do, exactly the way all hostages do.

So, strange as it seems, this behavior is the reaction of NORMAL people to abuse. All the tortured cling to the torturer for dear life. All hostages exhibit the Stockholm syndrome. This has been known since at least the Dark Ages. Professional torturers (executioners) and the Inquisition understood this phenomenon and deliberately exploited it to make their victims betray themselves to abuse.

Why do normal people do this under duress? It’s because you’re taking right-side-up people and putting them in a pervert’s upside-down world. You’re taking people acting on normal human premises and having those reactions play right into pervert’s perverted premises.The abuser always makes the victim totally dependant on him before he starts abusing. So, what is the victim going to do? She has no choice but to try to soften a stone-cold heart. This is nothing but appeasement. The helpless have no other option.

We see this happening on a massive scale today in the bizarre efforts to appease the abuses of Islamofascist mobs and terrorists the world over. “Don’t make them mad! Don’t think badly of them for what they do. Apologize for making them abuse us by making them mad at us. Blame ourselves for everything they do to us. Bend over for it with a smile. Suck up. Then maybe they will soften and like us and stop abusing us.”

Pass me the puke bucket, please.The West has no excuse for such cowardly appeasement, because the West isn’t helpless. The western nations are just too unwilling to stop squabbling among themselves, get real, and unite against a common enemy (a problem the West has had since the Fall of the Roman Empire).

But the victims of narcissists often ARE helpless.And even when they aren’t, when they can and do try to fight back, some holier-than-thou comes along and says it’s a sin. Then then whole world gangs up and jumps on the victim’s back saying, “Yes, stop it. Stop fighting because that’s a sin.”Who has a strong enough backbone to stand up to that? This merciless suppression of any effort at self defense breaks the victim’s back. holier-Then these same holier- than-thous turn around and say, “See? She just takes it. So, she likes it. She’s asking for it.”

Perhaps THEY are the ones who need their heads examined, not the victim they thus play Catch-22 with. I see no self-masochism in this victim, do you? I just see a normal human being in Catch-22.What is Catch-22? It’s the English translation of the Italian phrase for the 22nd "malbowge" ("evil pouch/pocket") of Nether Hell in Dante's Inferno. That's the lowest pit of hell, the place where the treacherous, the traitors, get to experience their sin on the receiving end. It’s where Dante put Judas priests, the likes of people who invite a family to dinner and then lock them in a tower to starve to death, as well as Julius Caesar’s “friend” Brutus and Judas Iscariot.

As I’ve said in other posts, the victim WILL feel shame for bending over for it, to the extent that he or she failed to resist as much as possible. And, as I’ve said, this is why the victim must never be condemned for fighting back.But, come on, knuckling under to abuse isn’t the same thing as liking it and wanting it. Normal people may knuckle under. But only sick-in-the-head people could like it and ask for it. So, my hunch is that cases of co-dependence in narcissism are either rare or never occur.

People ASSUME that the victim wants abuse in their IGNORANCE of the real and understandable reasons why the victim doesn’t fight back or run away.

Kathy Krajco

ANNOUNCING: NEW BLOG....

i know that some of you have already been sent links to my new project... a blog devoted entirely to BinkStink and other abusive pieces of crap just like her... who prey upon and further victimize abuse victims...

which will free up more space here for other issues... i want to thank everyone for all the views my new blog has gotten already, even though it is still under construction!!. it will soon be completely finished.. and when it is, i will post a link to it here... i have been working feverishlyon the new blog... but as you know...

someone with severe PTSD such as mine isn't really capable of putting enough thoughts together to build or maintain such a professional looking blog.... RIGHT, DIAGNOSTICIAN BINKSTINK?

A person who is "disabled" because of their "complex PTSD" cannot manage to string enough thoughts together to set up a blog such as yours

guess we'll soon see... huh BinkStink?.. :)

http://binkstink.blogspot.com

MUZZLING THE ABUSIVE WOMEN OF OUR PLACE

“I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Sometimes we must interfere.” – Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel.

~~~~

I've been monitoring ie interfering at Our Place, The Next Right Choice and the Catbox... .and i notice that the abusive spews have dropped off considerably... as has new membership... i'm sure they're very upset with me.....how DARE i, yada yada yada...i believe a better question would be....how DARE THEY sucker in abuse victims....and start abusing them, controlling them and forcing them to drink their SNAKE OIL??!!.....hey, if some of those bitches want to take the credit for thier own abuse, want to take repsonsibility for some piece of lowlife shit who would abuse a ROCK if nothing else was available.....and flagellate themselves incessantly over their participation in their abusive situations...then i'm not opposed to it.....in some of their cases i'm actually all in IN FAVOR OF IT....but i do oppose them projecting and forcing THEIR BULLSHIT onto ME!!!....and onto other innocent women who stumble into those little nests of vipers.....

~

on Our Place there have been no attacks launched on the NEW VICTIM of an abuser since Lily's charming 'boil her in oil' comment made the front page of my blog....that topic...http://forums.our-place-online.net/index.php?showtopic=4379 has since been removed!!...no doubt for the safety of the posters!!..ie.......to cover the abusive tracks of the abusive bitches!!...abusive posts being removed!!...looks like they're taking my crackpot blog seriously enough to remove some of their own abusive posts!!!....this is VERY GOOD NEWS....the bad news is, bitches... in the future i will include SCREEN SHOTS of your spews, to prevent the rewriting of history...... :)

~

and Tallulah has been driven to post her attacks on me at an obscure blog maintained by someone who herself was so abusive she was banned from the Catbox administrative team after Irene caught her and Moongoddess attacking members in not-so-private emails...

these are little victories... they've had to tone down their abuse... they've been driven into dark corners, or into their secret forum... where at least no one can see their hateful abusive diatribes...

~

their new membership has gone down to a trickle... and that trickle is likely pure fabrication... they've been known to invent new members........

~

how's it feel, LADIES???... for years you attacked abused women... openly and willfully... while CENSORING them... controlling their ability to defend themselves from your attacks... how does it feel to have to watch what you say???... .WALK ON EGGSHELLS??? ...

~

how's it feel to be MUZZLED??.. how do you like finding out that although you could slander me on your own nasty little abusive forums... and still try to attack and discredit me anywhere you can, in any way you can... out here in the DAYLIGHT, away from your little pack of Jackals... people are seeing how abusive YOU are????.

~

abusers don't stop abusing... i can only wonder who you'll turn it on now... the HOMELESS?... BEGGARS ??... will you start TAUNTING street people for not 'trying hard enough'???... you probably already do, when you think no one is watching... .frankly, my dears,....i suggest cannibalism....it's always the next right choice!! :)

~

i'll be watching you on those forums... every single day... .and anytime i see you treating other people the way you treated me and others... i'm going to post it here... and attack you for it... just like you attacked ME.. for being sad... for being angry... for missing my home... for refusing to take the blame for my abuse. for refusing to feel SORRY for the bastard who murdered my dog..for refusing to reduce myself to magical thinking...for refusing to be a coward..... for refusing to be further abused by a bunch of hateful bitches who aren't much better than the psychopath himself..

~~

i haven't been able to SHUT YOU DOWN, yet, but it does look like i've been able to SHUT SOME OF YOU UP........and i'm going to stay right here....and i'm going to keep doing it.....one of you sanctimonious bitches asked me how i, as an abuse survivor intend to help other abuse victims........well, this is HOW, bitches....by unmasking ONE LYING MANIPULATING ABUSIVE NARCISSISTIC FAUX ABUSE VICTIM AT A TIME.......you never liked me on those forums because i wouldn't just shut up take your abuse and drink your venom laced kool aid.......so.....HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW????

UPDATE!!

~~~

LOOK!! a new and improved Tallulah!!! this is from Our Place yesterday....

Welcome, Buckeye!Narcissistic/Borderline Personality Disorders are really NOT treatable. They can't change. They're sociopaths. Read everything you can find on these disorders. Trust me on this. You can feel sorry for him but do it at a distance. A GREAT distance. Tallulah

~

wow...great advice....NARCISSISTIC/BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDERS aren't treatable!!...they can't change!!....finally....speaking from her OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.....as a NARC!!...what a miraculous turnaround from the venom she was spewing at me just the day before!!!....

~

and in the same post Lily was quoting the Bible instead of looking for flammable liquids and a lighter!!.....

NOW THIS IS MORE LIKE IT!!!....TOTALLY FAKE...but an improvement nonetheless......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BEN - killed on 2/14/2007

MURDERED BY MY PSYCHOPATH HUSBAND

smothered to death in his own bed

i will not forgive and i will not forget

i love you BEN

justice will be served

“I do not bring forgiveness with me, nor forgetfulness.
The only ones who can forgive are dead; the living have no right to forget."
- Chaim Herzog

THE MOST EVIL AND LOATHSOME OF ABUSERS...THOSE WHO THREATEN, ABUSE AND MURDER PETS...THOSE BASTARDS DESERVE TO DIE!!!

THE PIECES OF WORTHLESS ABUSER SHIT WHO
THREATEN AND ABUSE AND MURDER PETS
DESERVE TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!

this is a subject close to my heart...my abuser murdered one of my dogs...the love of my life....and daily threatened and abused my other pets...he threatened my daily with 'making them disappear'...he told me he would file false police reports (which he did)...get me arrested, (which he tried to failed to do) and sell them to research labs while i was 'locked up'....he kidnapped one and held him for ransom so he could go on a drinking and drugging spree...the theings he did to me we horrible enough..but the things he did to my pets are INEXCUSABLE...except of course on Our Place, The Next Right Choice and the Catbox..there i was chastised for my anger over him murdering my dog...there i was berated for hating him...for wanting him dead....not only was his abuse of me ignored and negated and glossed over....so was his abuse of pets he professed to love when it agrandized him...and cold bloodedly kidnapped and murdered, abandoned and neglected when that suited his agenda..they can forgive him...but i won't...... i want him that vile evil bastard dead... and he can't be dead soon enough or long enough or in a horrible enough manner to suit me... because the piece of filthy loathsome abusive SHIT murdered one my dogs..... and threatened and covertly abused the others... the threatening and abusing and mudering of pets... another MAJOR ASPECT OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE that is NEVER ever mentioned on those VAPID, ASININE, INSIPID, POINTLESS FORUMS, Our Place, The Next Right Choice and Trubbles Catbox... i'm only surprised they didn't find a way to blame ME for HIM abusing my pets....i'm only surprised they didn't label my pets as CODEPENDENT!!!

another off limits topic... just ANOTHER form of abuse for them to minimize and ignore ...they have more compassion for an abuser than innocent animals!! ..... how many of their own abusers, who they defend and forgive, are guilty of this unspeakable , unforgiveable , undefendable, unconscionable crime???.. according to STATISTICS: PLENTY...

in surveys of domestic violence shelters........85% reported that victims talked about pet abuse, and reasearch shows that a whopping 73% of all women who reported domestic violence also reported that their abuser had either THREATENED/ HARMED/ OR MURDERED A PET....

LET'S GET REAL HERE... OF COURSE SOME PIECE OF SHIT WHO WOULD ABUSE A WOMAN WOULD HAVE NO QUALMS ABOUT ABUSING A PET!!.. AND... THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE INDUSTRY ITSELF HAS DONE ALMOST NOTHING TO ADDRESS THIS ISSUE...

AND ARE THEY THEMSELVES ARE COMPLICIT IN THE CONTINUED OPPRESSION AND ABUSE OF WOMEN BY NOT MAKING PROVISIONS FOR AN EPIDEMIC SITUATION THAT THEY ARE WELL AWARE OF!

Unfortunately, many victims stay in abusive relationships because they don't know what to do with their pets. Many victims, up to 25%, report that concern for their pets had affected their decisions about leaving or staying with the batterer. Higher proportions of rural than urban women reported that their partners had threatened or harmed their pets and that concern for their pets had affected their decisions.

One way to further traumatize the human target of domestic violence is to injure or kill that person's beloved pet. When domestic violence erupts, family pets are often the first target because abusers understand and exploit the deep bond between pets and family members. Threatening the pet often causes the victim to stay for fear of what might happen to the animal if they leave. Studies have found that almost half of battered women delay their escape for that reason.

According to Wayne Pacelle, President and CEO of The Humane Society of the United States, "The bond between people and their pets is so powerful that people would rather stay in an abusive situation if it means protecting their animal. A pet is sometimes the only positive and unconditional relationship that a victim might have and that means they will do absolutely anything to keep them safe.

We want the law to recognize the deep significance of that relationship and acknowledge that for most people, a pet is part of the family and therefore a victim – and a pawn -- in the horrendous cycle of domestic violence."

To date, only three states -- Maine, New York and Vermont -- have enacted laws permitting family pets to be included in protective court orders involving cases of domestic violence. Such court orders are meant to shield animals as well as spouses and domestic partners from abusers

An additional 12 states: California, Colorado, Connecticut, Illinois, Maryland, New Jersey, Rhode Island,Tennessee. Texas,Utah, Virginia, Washington, and the District of Columbia, have considered "pet protection" legislation.

Like many professionals working to protect victims of domestic violence, Jeanne Yeager, Executive Director of Mid-Shore Council on Family Violence in Maryland, supports adding pets to protection orders. "Such measures will provide much needed protection to clients with pets. Pet protection orders will offer victims of abuse an alternative to staying in abusive relationships for fear of what will happen to their pets if they leave."
~~~~~

THE UGLY FACTS:

Seven of every 10 families with minor children include a pet -- more than 64 million households in total.

Research shows that pet abuse is a predictor of domestic violence. Paying attention to pet abuse can save human lives.

Studies show that up to 73% of battered women report their pet was threatened, harmed, or killed by their partners.

A national survey found that 85% of women's shelters indicated that women seeking safety described incidents of pet abuse in their families.

Batterers threaten, abuse, or kill animals to demonstrate and confirm power and control over the family, to isolate the victim and children, and to prevent the victim from leaving or coerce her to return.

Domestic violence shelters and animal protection organizations have ONLY RECENTLY begun partnering to develop "safe havens" for pets of domestic violence victims because many victims delay leaving out of fear for their pets' safety. All too often, batterers punish victims for leaving by killing their pet. Yet, with the help of over 100 safe haven programs currently operating today in the U.S., many victims no longer have to choose between their safety and their pets.\




VICTIMS STILL DO HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THEIR SAFETY AND THEIR PETS...

i can speak from experience here... i lived in TERROR of my psychopath abuser... because of his constant threats against my pets... i had nowhere to take them... so i stayed... to provide them with a home... to try to keep them safe.....

the disinterested, bored, enabling police refused to arrest him after he tried to murder me... then left him to do as he pleased... and he did... there was no one to protect me... and no one to protect BEN... he murdered the love of my life... a helpless 15 year old dog... who had survived liver cancer, but could not survive an attack by a maniac... he smothered BEN to death in his own bed... on VALENTINES DAY...

this piece of shit doesn't need to see a go into treatment...he needs to go six feet underground.... this bastard doesn't need to be taken to jail... he needs to be taken to the gallows... this pyschopathic monster cannot be REFORMED... except into COMPOST.....

ignoring pet abuse and murder at Our Place, The Next Right Choice and the Catbox....par for the course...i've seen them post about feeling sorry for men who murder their wives and familes!!...compassion for killers...... while they ignored and minimized my abuse, and the abuse my pets suffered at the hands of that monster......and then there is Tallulah...who knowing what my psychpath abuser had done to me and my pets...upon seeing a photo of him...managed to find him 'attractive' and 'easy on the eyes'!!!!!.doesn't get any more caring and kind and compassionate than that..... and extended to the ABUSER, as usual..

they continue to makes excuses for piece of shit just like him... they take responsibility for the actions of pieces of sub human garbage... they forgive... they forget... they who told me to 'get over it'..... who told me i am wrong to DESPISE that PSYCHOPATH....wrong to be angry..... wrong to seek REVENGE... they who told me: LIVING WELL IS THE BEST REVENGE...

i wouldn't know whether living well is the best revenge... because i am not living well... the PSYCHOPATH did so much physical and emotional damage to me that i am UNABLE to work and LIVING IN POVERTY... and BEN... he won't know if living well is the best revenge, because BEN IS NO LONGER ALIVE... THANKS TO A PIECE OF ABUSIVE PSYCHOPATHIC SHIT... WHO DESERVES TO DIE...

BEN 2/14/2007

“I do not bring forgiveness with me, nor forgetfulness. The only ones who can forgive are dead; the living have no right to forget."
Chaim Herzog

_____________________________________

Michael (Mike) McGrannahan

Kansas City Missouri

DOG MURDERER, ABUSER, ALCOHOLIC, DRUG ADDICT

PSYCHOPATH

COCKROACH

UNFORGOTTEN

UNFORGIVEN

UNFIT TO LIVE!!!

Do the Admins Even Read Their Own B.S.?

What do I do if I think I'm being abused?

Educate yourself. Knowledge is power. Learn everything you can about abuse. We have an excellent resource section with links and book recommendations as well as very active forums so you can talk to others who are or have been in similar situations. Do not confront your abuser as this generally escalates the abuse. Learn coping techniques while you decide your course of action. And remember…the abuse is not your fault. No one deserves to be mistreated.

http://www.our-place-online.net/abuseinfo.html


Wait a sec... let's look at this one... line by line

Educate yourself. But toss off the forums people who merely post information... heaven forbid anyone think for themselves... embrace rigorous truth or figure something out that we don't spoon feed them...

Knowledge is power. Learn everything you can about abuse. See above.

We have an excellent resource section with links and book recommendations as well as very active forums so you can talk to others who are or have been in similar situations. And we pilfered those resources from other sources, and don't you dare have better resources or stuff than us admins!!!

Do not confront your abuser as this generally escalates the abuse. Don't confront us admins or Dr. Irene as only we get to decide how you should feel and how you should heal... or heel...

Learn coping techniques while you decide your course of action. And we get to judge if your coping techniques are appropriate... don't stand up to the abuser... lie down... be codependent... blame yourself... feel sorry for your abuser... and most of all... BABY STEPS...

And remember…the abuse is not your fault. No one deserves to be mistreated.
Unless it's us doing the mistreating, misinterpreting or avoiding the truth... then we blame you for having being honest, bad mouth you... call you an angry stalker or tell you you're wallowing, berate you and throw you off our precious forum... Our abuse IS your fault.

smell the hypocrisy anyone?

BABY STEPS???!!....ARE YOU KIDDING ME????!!!

OMG!!.. when i first ventured into the world or forums for abused women... every other post was about baby steps!!!... 'take baby steps'... 'remember... baby steps... take baby steps'

i was stunned... but i quickly surmised that the rank and file on the catbox, and our place and the next right choice were whining, hand-wringing babies... so i guess the baby steps thing was to be expected...

but then... when i ventured into online therapy... dished up by a licensed therapist, for pete's sake... i heard the same thing... 'just take baby steps'...

uh... let's get real here... first off... we're not babies... and secondly... have you ever actually watched a baby taking 'baby steps'???... it's not pretty... one step forward... four steps back... they fall down a lot too... and sometimes they can't get up!!! baby steps don't get you anywhere!!! ask any real baby!!! a baby can take ten thousand steps, without ever escaping the imprisonment of her playpen!!.

let's can the 'baby steps' bullshit, ok?... it's insulting... and it's asinine...

You're Just Bitter

The bitches on Our Place and Next Bogus Choice called members like me BITTER... Bitter? LOL!

CLICK HERE LADIES!!

“You’re just bitter.” This is a phrase commonly used to silence women. Another variation says, “You are so unforgiving.”

The bitterness accusation is used to bully a woman and tell her how she “should” feel instead of asking her how she does feel. Someone who uses this label expects her to pretend there has been no harm, no foul. She is expected to pretend the one who hurt her is a great person, even if she knows he is a terrible person. If she does not pretend, it is because she is “bitter and unforgiving.”

Abusers nearly always sling this accusation at their victims. She may have accepted him back with open arms after a dozen violent episodes, but the first time she hesitates to “forgive and forget,” he will tell her she is a bitter and unforgiving person.

If only it stopped there. The world does not want to hear the voice of the abused, either. Let her speak of abuse in the divorce hearing, and the judge may roll his eyes. When he makes his ruling concerning child support and visitation, he will keep in mind that the woman is “bitter.”

Let her speak of it to the church, and they will label her a feminist – even if she firmly believes in male headship and supports all the patriarchal viewpoints.

The fact is, no one wants to hear it. In most circles, she can say, “My former husband was abusive,” and only be labeled a feminist. But if she ever says, “He backhanded me across the face when I disagreed with him, and he dragged me through the house by my hair” – now, she is “bitter.” Her words are interpreted as angry and violent, as if only a violent person could speak such awful words.

The message to abused women: Shut up about it. Go back to being ashamed, as if that hand across your face had left a nasty stain that made you evil rather than him. It is not dignified or proper to speak of the ugliness of abuse. It offends our sensibilities. By making us hear about your experience, you are violating our sheltered little world. We can forgive the man for hitting you, but we cannot forgive you for having the bad manners to actually talk about it.

Speaking the truth is not a sign of bitterness. It is a sign of wholeness and stark, unblinking courage. It takes guts to go beyond “He abused me” and say “He held a pillow over my face until I thought I was dying,” or even “He did things so unspeakable, I cannot make myself say them.”

Jesus said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” A woman may know the truth without speaking it, and she may in silence escape her own situation. But a lone woman with sealed lips will not change the world. It is not only the woman who must be set free; society itself needs to be set free from a culture of violence against women.

We must speak the truth to our society, so that we can all be set free.

http://www.waragainstwomen.com/

Silencing the Lambs

The agenda is very clear at the Catbox and at Our Place and The Next Right Choice... it is NOBLE to suffer... don't get angry... don't seek to do anything about your abuse... just suffer... oh, you might seek out some counseling for you co-dependency issues... but other than that... just climb up and nail yourself to a cross... and hang there... give everything over to your abuser... give him the house... the business... the money... the cars... give him your self esteem... and RUN... oh yes... RUN... don't try to fight your abuse... even after you're out and safe... no... don't do that.... just RUN and preferably HIDE... forever... don't think about it...

hey... go get yourself on ANTIDEPRESSANTS... that's the CURE... make yourself so numb you no longer care... .and so, you've lost everything... so what?... a nice BUBBLEBATH is the answer to that!!!... PAMPER YOURSELF... so what you have nothing to pamper yourself with!!... just PRETEND to!!... hey... living in poverty is NOBLE... it makes you ever so much better than your abuser!!!.... and don't forget to FEEL SORRY for your abuser!... now that's really NOBLE... he's not a sick piece of twisted pathological heartless crap!!... NO!.... he's a poor pathetic shell of a man!!... although he never showed you any mercy or pity... he is deserving of it HIMSELF!!...

above all... DO NOT BE ANGRY... no... that's not productive... at least not productive to the agenda of the Catbox and Our Place... they NEED you to be suffering... so they can FEED off you... misery loves company... it's hard to devour someone who is ANGRY... just ask ANY abuser!!!!...

that's why no information is ever disseminated on the Catbox or Our Place... they don't want women to become EMPOWERED with knowledge or information!!... or with motivating anger...

they want women to stay wounded and reeling... powerless and afraid... no one ever addresses the horrible behavior of the ABUSER... instead they spend their time psychobabbling about 'personal growth'... that's the whole problem, you know... it wasn't that he was simply a raving raging psychopath... no... it's your lack of 'personal growth' that is the problem... you just need to 'get over it'... 'forget about it'... 'get on with your life'... and do all of that while FEELING SORRY for your abuser...

total utter bullshit.............

Trubbles Catbox is just the tip of the iceberg

Trubbles Catbox and Dr. Irene didn't just suddenly become abusive....they have ALWAYS been abusive....they had always pushed their agenda that women are to blame for their own abuse.....through the myth of co-dependency.....the 'administrative team' at the Catbox will henceforth be referred to as the woman hating Irene's flying monkeys.......
her original lap monkeys gleefully dished out abuse to abused women for years before the blowup of 08.....they shamed, blamed, chastised, berated and abused anyone and everyone who did not follow the carefully drawn party line.......'YOU ARE TO BLAME FOR YOUR ABUSE'...they continually attacked dissenters......while turning a blind eye to abusive board members who aided and abetted them in pushing their agenda.......one of the top abusive psych cases on there was one who called herself DISCO.......when Irene went off her meds or off her rocker, or a combination of both in 08.....while she was merrily attacking the rank and file abuse victims on her forum........her flying monkeys joined in, lashing out with wild abandon.....and defended the wicked witch .....and continued to do so........until Irene turned her vitriol and rage on them, too.........ohhhhh.......then widdle flying monkey feelings got hurt........and when she threw them all out of 'her house' like yesterday's garbage......they flew over to invision power board.....and set up their own franchise........OUR PLACE....setting up some stiff competition for Irene in the abusive abuse forum realm......same abusive flying monkeys.......same abusive agenda.....new name........Our Place reads people's PM's too..they of course claim to be kinder and gentler.. but they're not.......they snoop into poster's messages to other posters.......just like they did at the Catbox.....they control and manipulate the posts and the posters....it is primarily comprised of old soldiers......some of the most prolific posters on there have been hacking away at abused women for years......they were once perhaps abused women themselves...but over the years they have become abusers.......chewing up and spitting out the 'newbies'......tender fresh meat.......yum yum.......
and any 'newbie' is suspect........why, you might be a mole from the franchise across the street.....Trubbles Catbox!!.......anyone who wanders on there is scrutinized and investigated behind the scenes.........they trace your IP......they put tracking cookies on your computer..... the paranoia behind the masks they all wear is rampant.......
add it all up and it spells........NARCISSIST.....they are all what they claim to be fighting against.....they are all sneaking, conniving, backstabbing, paranoid control freak narcissists......hell bent on further controlling women who are trying to break free of having been controlled........if you are an abused woman.........BEWARE..........check out other forums first.......there are lots of good ones out there.... www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com is a very good one...as is abusesanctuary.blogspot.com... which is maintained by another abuse victim who was driven off the Catbox and off another forum created by some Catobox alumni....The Next Right Choice....she was banned from both, for posting INFORMATION ....INFORMATION that might help some poor victim SURVIVE ..... they don't like real INFORMATION to be posted at the Catbox or at Our Place or at The Next Right Choice....articles...professional opinions....anything and everything that doesn't jibe with the "YOU'RE TO BLAME" and CODEPENDENCY crap they espouse is not welcome.....and they make that very clear to anyone posting it.............if you are an abused woman...you should avoid Trubbles Catbox....Our Place and The Next Right Choice..........or you'll likely come crawling out of all of them in worse shape than you went in........